Painful Anniversaries

The last two days we have had grey skies and my heart has been blue. Today it is raining. It's strange but my subconscious tells my body before my body tells my brain that the middle of the month is coming and another anniversary has come upon us. Couldn't figure out why I was fighting the blues so bad until last night when I finished reading the Bible and glanced at Josh's guitar that sits in the corner by my bed. For an instant, I had a vision of him with arms wide open welcoming me into heaven. He was smiling and I went running to him but then the vision was gone. I cried and realized that we are once again approaching the monthly anniversary of his death on the 16th. It will be fourteen months since his death. That will, of course, be preceeded two days prior, on the 14th with the one month anniversary of Angela's death. These "anniversaries" are so hard because although I try not to dwell on them, they are there in my subconscious and I find that I actually do better to acknowledge and deal with them rather than to try to push them aside. What would I do without the love of the Father and His strong and loving arms that hold me each day?

Originally published November 11, 2009