How Long Does Grief Last?

In the previous post, I wrote about the book A Time to Mourn, A Time to Dance and the grief support group that I started attending.

I wanted to follow up with a couple additional informational posts derived from the book.

One section of the book discusses the length of grief and how long one can expect the process to take.

As the book states on page 14:

Grief takes as long as it takes.

"Numbness is a gift, but as the numbness wears off - usually six to eight weeks after the loss - we really begin feeling the depth of the pain and the loneliness. The irony is that by that time, most of our friends have gone back to their own routine. It is then when we begin searching for the next yard-mark of hope."

The book goes on to discuss that the first year is basically surviving all the "firsts". Those of you who have followed along with me on this blog as I have travelled this road, know that each of the firsts have been especially hard for me. The first Thanksgiving, The first Christmas, The first Birthday, etc.

The books says, "Again and again we are faced wit yet another first. Maybe that's one of the reasons the first year is so hard. But the second year is hard too; not as hard, but the pain doesn't vanish on day 366. It's almost as if you have to get through the first year of pain before the healing can begin." (Page 14)

Then there are the anniversaries. As you know, for me, the anniversaries are very difficult. I still find myself shutting down every month in the middle of the month when I approach the 14th (the day that Josh was injured) and the 16th, the day that he died. I try to not think about it but actually ignoring it makes it worse for me. When I acknowledge the source of my pain, I am better able to deal with those days.

Also from the book (page 14):

"Healing becomes more about learning to incorporate the grief into our lives. Life begins to return to a new "normal". Many people say the scar becomes painful and visible around the anniversary time. Don't be surprised by anniversary reactions...................honor the experience, be gentle with yourself. You may feel like you are losing it or ashamed. Remember, anyone who has experienced a major loss has been there."