Lost In Translation

Lost in Translation

Andy McNeil

Words can never fully define
grief. That is because grief is an
experience and is not completely
comprehended until it is lived.
Grief quite often gets “lost in
translation” when we attempt to
share with others exactly what
grief is like. For this reason grief
can be a lonely journey, even
when others are around. We fear
bringing up our pain or even
talking about it because we really
do not know what to say or we reason that others must
be tired of hearing us whine anyway.
Although it can be difficult to share what grief is like to
others, it is still worthwhile. No, everyone will not
want to be invited along and you will be able to determine
who to invite. Certainly there will be those who
avoid you or change the subject or even give poor
advice, but there will also be those who listen and
learn. New friendships can be formed and old ones
rekindled when we attempt to share what grief is like
with others, no matter how difficult that might be.
One way we can share what grief is like is to relate our
grief to something others can understand by using
similes and metaphors.
“No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.”
C.S. Lewis penned these words in his personal memoir,
A Grief Observed, which he published under the
pseudonym N.W. Clark following his wife’s death.
C.S. Lewis uses this simile to compare grief to the
experience of fear. I can just imagine that Mr. Lewis
was feeling the intense feelings of grief and wanted to
put this experience into words that others could
understand. Perhaps after some thought, he was able
to pen these words and capture some of the experience
of grief in this simple association. For although those
not encountering the death of a loved one cannot fully
understand grief, they can relate to the feeling of being
afraid, a universal experience we all share.
“Grief is a bad dream. One you cannot wake up from
no matter how hard you fight.” “Grief is like being at
the bottom of the ocean, you are all alone.” “Grief
feels like an elephant standing on your chest.” “Grief is
a lonely journey. No one can walk the road for you.”

These are just some of the metaphors and similes I
have heard from bereaved people over the years.
Relating our grief to something others can understand
is one way we can attempt to capture some of the
images that make up our grief. These are communication
tools we can use to bring others along with us as
we walk the road of grief. How would you describe
your grief? What metaphors or similes can you think
of that would help
others understand
you?
If you are grieving
and do not feel
understood by those
significant in your
life, take heart that you are not alone in the fact that
you are misunderstood. Grief is hard to explain to
someone who is not living our same reality. Make
attempts to share insights to your family and friends
using metaphors and similes that might increase their
understanding, but also recognize that grief must be
lived to be fully understood. It is difficult to hold
someone accountable to understand what you are
going through when most of the time words fall short
of describing your situation. Though it is frustrating at
times, continue to reach out to your family and
friends. Take them up on the help they offer and hold
fast to their friendship; most of the time you will be
grateful you did.
If you are someone who has not had a significant loss
and you are trying to be a friend to someone in grief,
offer your presence, love and patience. Quite often our
advice is not well received, because we are attempting
to advise someone about a situation for which we have
no context. Instead, listen to their descriptions and
attempt to understand what they are saying to gain
better insight. Do not give up on them and do not distance
yourself just because you do not understand
them or do not know what to say. On the contrary,
spend time with your friend and you will discover
opportunities to encourage them, to lift them up and
to hold fast for them as they experience the indescribable
profundity we call grief.
Lost in Translation Andy McNiel
Next Edition is May/June 2009
www.ameliacenter.org
No one ever told
me that grief felt
so much like fear.
C.S. Lewis

Taken from Tears to Hope Newsletter

Originally posted September 5, 2009