Josh is Celebrating

Today marks one year free from sadness, pain or suffering for my precious son. I can see Joshua smiling that smile of his and giving everyone around him a big hug. I don't know if there are any guitars in heaven, but if there are, I know he has found one and will be playing music for everyone today.

While we who remain are filled with sorrow because our loss is so great our hope lies in the fact that we know Josh has no cause for sorrow, only for celebration.

For me, this day brings a lot of emotion. I am amazed that a whole year has gone by. I have learned that I can keep on going. I have learned that I can laugh again. I have learned that it's always ok to cry. I have learned to allow myself to be open and vulnerable and share my heart with others. I have learned that some folks embrace that sharing and that others turn from it. Something about the culmination of the "year after" is bittersweet. It makes me sad to know that it has already been a year since my son lived on this earth. Something inside me is afraid that others will forget. I don't want anyone to ever forget Josh. On the other hand, knowing that I have actually survived the first Thanksgiving, Christmas, New years, Valentines Day, Alissa's birthday, Easter, my birthday, Josh's birthday, Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall and a host of other important days without Josh being here, has given me the strength to know that I will be ok.

Today my heart hurts, but it's filled with overwhelming peace.

And Josh........................he knows only peace and joy. That's cause for celebration.

My dear son,

You continue to bless my life in your absence as much as you did when I was able to touch you, hear you and feel you with me. Just as living with you taught me so much, living without you is teaching me lessons that I never would have learned otherwise. I look forward to the day when we can be together once again. I pray that until that day, I have the strength to live a life that you would be proud of. I love you so much. I miss you.

Mom

Originally posted September 16, 2009