Remember Angela

One year ago today, our niece Angela, went to heaven after a terrible car accident. Our hearts ache for our own loss. My heart aches for her mother.

Remember Angela

Patchwork of Emotions

The more precious and beautiful the day, the more poignant the grief. It's like a patchwork of beautiful moments that are broken by lines of grief. Yesterday was so hard! How I loved having my Alissa, Kristin and Mikey here to celebrate Alissa's birthday but the pain was so sharp I could hardly keep the smile on my face. In fact, when Alissa left, I broke down and cried in front of her. I didn't want to but could not help myself.

Not only was there the tremendous pain of knowing that Josh was not here to celebrate Alissa's 21st birthday, it was the pain of knowing this was the first birthday that Alissa is celebrating without her cousin, Angela. They always celebrated this day together. I know that missing the two people who were the most important people her age in her life made the day bitter sweet for my dear girl. I know it did for me. Angela's mom bravely came to the birthday meal. I know it was hard on her to be here with us and to know that Alissa wanted her here because by having her with us, we had part of Angela that we could see and touch here with us. As mothers, a part of our spirit goes on to be with our child and a part of them remains in us. Broken we will be until that moment we are reunited for eternity.

Alissa's 21'st birthday without Josh & Angela

Today we celebrated Alissa's 21st birthday, although her actual birthday is tomorrow. Alissa and Angela always celebrated in some way together on their birthdays and of course, Alissa and Josh were inseperable. So, this milestone birthday was especially hard on all of us because I know we were all thinking about Josh and Angela who are no longer with us. The tears have flown freely today for me as I rejoice in the beauty of my precious daughter and all she means to me and at the same time mourn for my son, Josh, who is no longer with us.

I hurt for myself but I hurt for Alissa. She and Josh, only 16 months apart in age, were best friends. Now Alissa calls me and says how she hates to be alone. She always had Josh and now he is gone. And Angela and Alissa were so much alike they could have been twins in so many ways. They were the best of friends. It just doesn't seem fair that my baby girl had to lose the two people that were the most important in her life.

I have to believe that Josh and Angela are celebrating in heaven in honor of Alissa's birthday.

Matthew West/Save a Place for Me Lyrics:

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

An Angel's Kiss

Last night, I was so sad. I was cleaning out some drawers and the pictures, cards, and things I found reminded me of Josh. I wanted to scream but all I could do was cry.

It's that time of the month again when all those feelings come to the surface.

Today marks the second month since Angela's death and 15 months since the night I found out about Josh. (He actually passed away on the 16th.)

Yesterday, Angela's mom went with me to the cemetery to put flowers on both Angela and Josh's graves. The flowers were beautiful. Josh's Grandma Kay made them. They are Christmas arrangements.

Last night as I slept, I felt something brush my cheek. The softest kiss that felt like butterfly wings or the brush of an angel. Then I realized it was Angela. She smiled at me like she always did after giving me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled back.

Just a dream? Yes. A beautiful, beautiful dream. Just for a second, I felt her kiss. What a beautiful gift.

Originally posted December 14, 2009

Simple Joys

Angela Kania
Advanced Comp
This I Believe Essay

I believe in the power of simple joys.
A few months ago, I was experiencing a difficult time in my life. All around me, the world seemed to be crumbling under my feet. My eighteen-year-old cousin was shot and killed; then a week later my great uncle passed away. My entire family walked around in a dark stupor, fighting to understand and accept the horror of such tragedy. I screamed at the injustice of my cousin dying before achieving his dreams and before living a full life. I struggled to keep my sanity while supporting those around me. I cried until I felt empty, hollow, and hopeless. The dark turmoil in my soul reflected upon my whole world. Nothing seemed right! My hair was always a mess, one of my favorite sandals was missing, my homework was overwhelming, my clothes never fit right, my friends seemed to be distant, and the days drug on and on. Nothing was right! Nothing!
A simple change turned my life around and caused me to believe again. One afternoon while trying to escape the emotional upheaval ripping my world apart, I plopped down along the river in pure exhaustion and defeat. The churning river beat and thrashed, struggling to continue downstream around the large, jutting rocks. As I sat cross-legged and hunched forward cursing at fate and pounding the very ground beneath my feet, a subtle change took place in my heart. I started to notice the simple joys surrounding me. The slightest stir of a cool breeze lifted from the river and gently fluttered my ponytail against the curve of my neck. Raising my head, a smile tugged at the corners of lips as I watched a large bass leap from the water, catch a passing dragonfly, and splash back into the clear river, leaving a rainbow of ripples upon the surface. All I had to do was open my eyes and look around at all the simple joys surrounding me.
I believe in the simple joys. Getting a big hug from my niece, my favorite team celebrating a victory, and my puppy sitting for the first time on command are simple joys I have learned to take pleasure in. I have developed an appreciation for a beautiful sunset, the little girl smiling at me in the next car, the smell of freshly baked cookies, the warmth of the sun on my shoulders, the taste of rich hot cocoa, and that today is Friday! By noticing the simple joys, my whole world seems brighter and happier.
Being grateful and taking account of the big things in life is easy. Sure, all my basic needs are met. I have a home, food on the table, clothes to wear, good health, and family and friends who love me. But as I started becoming aware of the more simple things around me, I began to have hope and to feel alive again. During my life I will experience times of grief, pain, and suffering, but if I look around the simple joys will always be there to help me through. I can’t afford to waste another day letting life pass me by.
I believe in the power of simple joys.


The above essay was written by my niece, Angela, shortly after Josh died. I dedicated today to her memory by noticing and enjoying the simple joys around me. Angela's beautiful words help those of us who remain behind to know how to face the days ahead. Out of the mouth of babes................

We Never Say Goodbye

Sheldon VanAuken, a good friend of author C.S. Lewis, was leaving England and
returning to the United States. The two old friends talked about many things that last day at
lunch. Life, friendship, the good times they’d had -- even death.
Lewis said that he hoped VanAuken and his wife would return soon to England for
a visit. But then he added, “At all events...we’ll certainly meet again, here -- or there.”
They finished their tea, and Lewis said to his friend: “I won’t say goodbye. We’ll meet
again.”
So Lewis crossed the busy street while VanAuken stood there watching. When
Lewis arrived on the other side, he turned, waved and shouted something. VanAuken, who
couldn’t understand because of the traffic, shook his head. So Lewis shouted even louder:
“Christians never say goodbye!”
I think that Angela would like that story. Christians really don’t ever say goodbye.
Because we will meet again, if not here then in heaven, the fairest place of all.


Pastor Joel Ballew
From the memorial service for Angela.

We Will Live

Another day. Life is bittersweet. We hang on to the precious memories and the love that we have for those already gone. We embrace the life we have with those who are still here. In defiance of death, WE WILL LIVE in spite of the pain in our hearts.


Lamentations 3:22-23 (New American Standard Bible)

The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

Originally posted October 20, 2009

Angela Faith

Angela F. Kania
October 16, 2009

Angela Faith Kania, 16, beloved daughter, sister, granddaughter and friend, of 52 Limestone Road went home to be with the God who filled her heart on Wednesday, Oct. 14, 2009, at the University of Virginia Medical Center in Charlottesville. Angela was born Nov. 3, 1992, in Harrisonburg, a daughter of Phillip Michael Kania of Staunton and Cathy Irene (Cupp) VanLear of Verona.


Angela was preceded in death by an infant sister, Amanda Catherine Kania; her paternal grandparents, Stanley J. and Emilia Kania; and a cousin, Josh Hall.
She was a junior at Fort Defiance High School, where she was a member of the academic and forensics clubs. Angela was a member of Lebanon Church of the Brethren, where she belonged to the youth of the church, and of the Shenandoah District Church of the Brethren Youth Cabinet. Her favorite pastime was babysitting, because she loved children and always became a big sister to those in her care.
Angela was full of life and enthusiastic, outgoing and exuberant with all her family and friends. She always had advice for everyone who needed her and never met anyone she couldn't talk to. Her faith was the foundation in her life, and she was looking forward to sharing God's love on mission trips abroad, like she already did at home every day.

There are so many reasons to remember Angela, because whatever she did, she did big. Her smile and her love of life will always be in our hearts.
In addition to her father and her mother, Angela is survived by her stepmother, Donna H. Kania of Staunton, and her stepfather, Ron VanLear of Verona; a brother, Andy P. Kania and his fiancé, Angie Simonetti; maternal grandparents, Marcus S. and Treva S. Cupp of Verona; three uncles, Les J. Kania and his wife, Maria, of Silver Spring, Md., Kenneth E. Cupp and his wife, Dianne, of Mount Sidney and Michael "Mike" Cupp and his wife, Tammy, of Staunton; an aunt, Michelle L. Weaver and her husband, Wes, of Verona; and cousins, Matt and Elizabeth (Cupp) Packer, Timothy, Laura and Sam Cupp, Kristin and Mikey Cupp, Alissa Hall and Steve and Melinda Kania.

A celebration of Angela's life will be conducted at 5 p.m. Sunday, Oct. 18, 2009, in Lebanon Church of the Brethren by the Rev. Joel E. Ballew.
The family will have a private graveside service.

The family will receive friends from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 17, 2009, in Coffman Funeral Home and at other times at the homes of her parents, Phil and Donna Kania, at 50 Heather Lane in Staunton and Cathy and Ron VanLear at 52 Limestone Road in Verona.

It is suggested by the family that those desiring to make memorial contributions should do so to Cathy VanLear, 52 Limestone Road, Verona, VA 24482 to be distributed to the youth of her church and the many different mission projects and trips that Angela was planning to attend.

Coffman Funeral Home and Crematory at 230 Frontier Drive in Staunton is in charge of her arrangements.

Condolences may be expressed to the family online at www.coffmanfuneralhome.net.

Originally posted October 16, 2009

Angela

Our family has suffered another loss. Our beautiful niece, Angela Kania, passed away shortly after midnight and went to heaven to be with Jesus, her sister, Josh and other other loved ones. Our hearts are aching for our loss but we know that she is at perfect peace. I just know in my heart she is there teasing Josh the way she always did here on this earth and making him smile in spite of himself.

Always a bright smile, a twinkle in her eye, a hug and a kiss on the cheek for Aunt Tammy, never did she fail to say, "I love you" when we parted to go our seperate ways.

I love you, my darling, girl. I always will.

Originally posted October 14, 2009