Most of us our taught that God would love us if..........

God always entices us through love.

Most of us were taught that God would love us if, and when we change. In fact, God loves you so that you can change. What empowers change, what makes you desirous of change, is the experience of love.
It is that inherent experience of love that becomes the engine of change. If the mystics say that one way, they say it a thousand ways. But because most of our common religion has not been at the mystical level, we’ve been given an inferior message—that God loves me “when” I change (“moralism”).
What that does is put it back on you. You’re back to “navel gazing” and you never succeed at that level. You are never holy enough, pure enough, refined enough, or loving enough.
Whereas, when you fall into God’s mercy, when you fall into God’s great generosity, you find, seemingly from nowhere, this capacity to change. No one is more surprised than you are. You know it is a gift.

~Richard Rohr

People won't notice.............

When you stand in the rain and smile, people won't notice your tears.

20 Months

Twenty months today. The pain doesn't lessen, but it's true that the one who grieves grows stronger. The sweet days grow even sweeter. Love shines even brighter. The memories intensify. The longing to be reunited grows with each passing day. Holding close those who remain and resting in the knowledge that what seems like an eternity to us, is only a moment for those who have gone on. Always missing my baby boy.

Love Has Come

Love Has Come~ Mark Shultz

Well, I know this life is filled with sorrow
And there are days when the pain just lasts and lasts
But I know there will come a day
When all our tears are washed away with a break in the clouds
His glory coming down and in that moment

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

For anybody who has ever lost a loved one
And you feel like you had to let go too soon
I know it hurts to say goodbye
But don't you know it's just a matter of time till the tears are gonna end
You'll see them once again and in that moment

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

Oh, and on that day we will stand amazed
At our Savior, God and King
Just to see the face of amazing grace
As our hearts rise up and sing

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Thank You for the cross
Singing glory, glory, hallelujah
Christ has paid the cost

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Thank You for the cross
Singing glory, glory
Christ has paid the cost

And every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

Love has come for us all
Love has come for us all

And every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
God is love and love has come for us all

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
God is love and love has come for us all

Crying for me

From Toby Keith's song "Crying for me"

Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I’d do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven
‘Cause that’s right where you wanna be
I’m not crying 'cause I feel so sorry for you
I’m crying for me

Why?

Why lyrics

Songwriters: Mathes, Robert; Shamblin, Allen;

It must've been in a place so dark you couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Roundin' third to score the winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage, you shined just like the sun

Oh, why? That's what I keep askin'
And was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were masking
A troubled soul, oh, God only knows what went wrong
And why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze
The golden sun is shining on my face
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that bad a place

Oh, why? There's no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain?
Oh, but I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong, they lied, and now you're gone, and we cried

'Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song, your absolutely beautiful song

It's raining

It's raining one of those "Josh" rains. You know, the kind where the thunder is rolling in the background................close but not too close. You can see the lightening from a distance. The rain is warm on my skin and it's enough to get my hair wet slowly. I stayed outside in it so that I could feel it on my skin and face and so that I could be close to Josh and keep his tradition of walking in the rain alive. When I came in, I made sure to track of the floor just like he would do. Those gentle rain drops are kisses from my baby. He's smiling. I love you Josh!

Mother's Day

Nothing in life brings more joy than being a mother. Nothing brings more sorrow than burying a child. I would gladly live a thousand lifetimes of sorrow in order to have the privelege to be be called "mother" by Josh and Alissa. Thank you, God, for blessing my life with these two children. May I truly celebrate this precious gift You have given me this Mother's Day.

Past Tense

Alissa came by tonight. She laughed and told funny stories about Josh. When she spoke of him, she spoke of him in the past tense. Always before she has talked about him as if he were still living. I closed my eyes and tried not to cry. Part of me wanted to cry tears of relief that Alissa is beginning to acknowledge Josh's death. The other part of me just wanted to cry because I miss him so much. I didn't cry. I held it in. I laughed with her over the silly antics that the two of them participated in together. Now, Alissa has gone home and I am left here with my broken heart. Now, I will cry.