The Voicemail

I have a voicemail message from Josh on my phone. I have been listening to it for a year and a half now. I love to hear that familiar voice on the other end of the phone and just pretend for a moment that Josh is still here. In the message he says, "I love you" and sounds light hearted and free. I love to hear him say it that way. I always say back, "I love you too, Josh" knowing he is not really on the other end of the line. At the end of the message a Verizon operator says, "If you would like to return this call, press 88". Everytime I hear that I want to press 88 so that I can talk to my baby again. As long as I keep listening to that message and saving it, it stays in my voicemail. I can't listen to it every day because it makes me cry. Sometimes I have a sudden panic attack and think, "Oh my gosh, when was the last time I listened to that message? Has it been longer than 40 days? Did I lose it? I panic until I once again here Josh's sweet voice saying he loves me and then I cry.