The more precious and beautiful the day, the more poignant the grief. It's like a patchwork of beautiful moments that are broken by lines of grief. Yesterday was so hard! How I loved having my Alissa, Kristin and Mikey here to celebrate Alissa's birthday but the pain was so sharp I could hardly keep the smile on my face. In fact, when Alissa left, I broke down and cried in front of her. I didn't want to but could not help myself.
Not only was there the tremendous pain of knowing that Josh was not here to celebrate Alissa's 21st birthday, it was the pain of knowing this was the first birthday that Alissa is celebrating without her cousin, Angela. They always celebrated this day together. I know that missing the two people who were the most important people her age in her life made the day bitter sweet for my dear girl. I know it did for me. Angela's mom bravely came to the birthday meal. I know it was hard on her to be here with us and to know that Alissa wanted her here because by having her with us, we had part of Angela that we could see and touch here with us. As mothers, a part of our spirit goes on to be with our child and a part of them remains in us. Broken we will be until that moment we are reunited for eternity.
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1 comment:
I still pray.
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