Last night I met with my grief support group. I was desperate to go feeling like I had reached the end of my rope and not knowing how to even keep going emotionally. It is strange that I would be at this point now. I have felt particularly low in the past 17 months with certain times being worse than others. However, I have never been this low. As I told my friends in my group, "I had reached the point where I know that this is my reality: Josh is never coming back and if this is as good as it gets on this grief journey, then it's not good enough!"
There are days when I feel that missing my son and the grief that I am enduring is simply sucking the very life out of me! I have reached a point where I have begun to wonder if I am dealing with grief or if the grief has turned into depression. I have questioned what the difference is between the two?
Our counselor was very thoughtful and helpful and it does seem that the depression that I am feeling is not what might be termed a "clinical" depression but rather a deep sadness from losing my Josh. While we don't know how long this stage of grief might last, it is comforting to realize that it too is just part of the journey and that somehow, I will make it through.
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