The gift

It was a long, dangerous, lonely road and as we walked you grew weary. I looked down, picked you up, and you snuggled in my arms with your head on my shoulder. I carried you. I never felt the weight. You were not a burden at all. I just enjoyed holding you with your little baby face close enough for me to kiss. It was only a dream. For a while I didn't know that. It was a gift to be able to hold you again.

I love you, Josh.

Nightmares

More mornings than not this week I have awakened early to a nightmare. The dreams either involve Josh or Angela and there is always some sort of a struggle to keep them from harm but when I wake, I am reminded they are already gone.

Dreams

Often, when I become stressed over the legal proceedings regarding Josh's death, I have dreams. When Josh first passed away, I was afraid that I would have nightmares. Thankfully, instead of nightmares, God has blessed me with sweet dreams of my precious son.

The boy who killed Josh was in court today and things were postponed once again. All of this must have been heavy on my heart and mind as I went into this week. I find myself not focusing on the real issue, but I can feel the pressure mounting as the court dates arrive.

Last night in the midst of my stress I dreamed of Josh. In my dream I wrapped my arms around him over and over again and told him how much I love him. He always responded with a joyful look, a smile in his eyes and a hug in return.

Someday, that dream will come true and I will wrap my arms around him once again and hold him close.

Originally posted December, 10, 2008