Merry Christmas, Josh

Merry Christmas, Josh. I miss you so much.

I love you,

Mom

A Hero in the Arms of Jesus

My friend's son passed away this morning. A current veteran of the US Army who donated his organs so that others might live. He is a hero.

May God's grace, mercy and peace surround this family both now and in the days and years to come.

Praying for a MIiracle

The Eve before Christmas Eve and I am praying. I am begging God for a miracle. A friend's son is on life support. She is on her way to see him from another state. So many parallels, but this is not about me.

Merciful Father, please, I beg you to be with this mother. Grant her clarity of thought. May she feel your presence even in the midst of the terror that surrounds her. I also ask that you grant this family a miracle if at all possible. Surround this young man and may he feel Your arms around him. May he find comfort in your love. Please fill his heart with peace. Where there is life, there is hope and you are the God of all hope. If it please you, I pray that his life would be spared.

Amen

Focus

Joshua's Well has given me a focus, a drive, a reason.

No, this will not bring my Joshua back to me and it will not take away the pain. Somehow though, by working towards this common goal of raising enough money to build this well, it brings light to the darkness and fills my heart with hope.

The well will be a memorial to my son whom I love so much. The well itself means nothing. It is the life that the well will bring to the people that is the true memorial.

I know Joshua would approve. I know it would make him smile to know that so many people are working together to make this happen.

Mike and I never give each other gifts at Christmas. So, I was suprised last night when he said to me that he was giving me a Christmas gift. The gift he has promised me is that he will send me to Guatemala for the dedication ceremony of Joshua's Well.

I am so touched by his understanding of my need to be there and by his willingness to make sure that I get to go. I am blessed with such a good husband that would give so unselfishly to meet my heart's desire.

In the beginning, after Josh died, I expressed to a few people that I had a dream to some day go to spend some time helping out in an orphanage overseas. It looks like I may also get to do this as well when I go to Guatemala.

We do not yet know the timing. That depends on when we can get the funds together and when the well is dug. I believe it will happen. I have faith that this is meant to be.

Joshua's Well

I received a telephone call from Josh and Alissa's paternal grandmother this week. We talked for a few minutes and then she began to share with me what was on her heart. As she began to share, the tears began to flow down my face. For over two years now, since Josh's death, I have searched my heart for a cause that would be a lasting tribute in memory of Josh. I have donated to various charitable organizations including Heifer International and also SHIP (Safe Harbor InterPhilippines) a non-profit, residential care facility for abandoned, abused, neglected and orphaned children in Baguio City, Philippines that was founded and is maintained by my good friends John and Kim Piet. While I continue to support S.H.I.P. with my donations, I have been praying about something that we could do that would specifically bear Josh's name and be a lasting tribute to his memory. Josh's grandmother provided me with exactly the project for which I have been searching.

Dick and Kay Hall (Josh and Alissa's grandparents) went on a trip this past year to Guatemala where among other things, they spent time in the poverty stricken villages as well as in the orphanages. They were working hand and hand with an organization called Cause Life. In these villages, there is a serious lack of clean water, which is a basic necessity of life. Dick and Kay were so moved by their experiences in Guatemala that when they came home, they were touched to try to raise money for a well for a village and to have that well dedicated in memory of Joshua. In fact, the well will be named Joshua's well. I can't think of a more beautiful tribute to my precious son than to know that adults and children alike that otherwise would not have access to clean water, would be able to have life giving water from Joshua's Well.

The following news release was taken from Cause Life's Web Page and references the trip that Dick and Kay took to Guatemala:

I DO THIS FOR LOVE

We just returned from Guatemala where we took a passionate group of people for a week. They came from California, Virginia, North Carolina, Washington, and so many other places. Some were pastors, businessmen and women, politicians, and everyday people. The youngest was 9 and the oldest struggled to walk. Each of their stories was different, but every one of them shared the same desire . . . to make an eternal difference in the life of another.

Through the causelife project, they caught the vision that giving clean water is the key to providing life. I can’t tell you how excited I was that we were dedicating 5 new wells! Each well was made possible through a person, just like you, who saw a need and acted.

These wells are in villages where there has only been dirty, contaminated water. Infant mortality is 50 percent and higher in these places because of water born diseases. The conditions are deplorable and miserable. The only sound that fills the air is the sound of babies crying out from hunger and thirst.

But now these villages are experiencing a transformation. When these wells are turned on kids start laughing and playing in the water. Mothers begin filling buckets. The whole mood of the village instantly changes. It is the change that comes from hope replacing despair.

Hope of Life in Llano Verde, Guatemala has an incredible staff of dedicated people. They all come from the local villages. One of them said this week, “I don’t need things. Why am I going to have things when these children . . . they have nothing. How can I buy things when I see them die everyday? I don’t do this for money . . . I do this for love.”

These wells in Guatemala, and other parts of the world, are not a testimony to money. They are a testimony of compassion motivated to action! They are a testimony to love.

Cause Life FAQ


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The following is information taken from Cause Life's web page:


Clean water is essential for life.But more than 1 billion people in the world lack access to clean water. This causes over 2 million unsafe drinking water deaths every year, and most are children.

Every day, 6,000 children die from water-related illnesses such as diarrhea, malaria, typhoid, cholera, worms, and parasites. With each sip the number of deaths grow. This contaminated water is the only water they have ever known. And for some, it will be the only water they ever have.

The lack of clean drinking water in developing countries is the starting place of a thousand miseries. It exacerbates malnutrition, sickness, infant mortality, poverty, and illiteracy.

Their greatest need is clean water.


WATER CHANGES CHILDREN

Children’s lives become a reflection of the water they drink. When the water is contaminated, every area of their lives becomes affected. Contaminated water brings diseases from waterborne parasites and bacteria. Typhoid, dysentery, malaria, and cholera create sickness and death.

Children cannot go to school because their parents need them to fetch water. Walking for water is the most common chore that keeps children busy during the day, preventing them from attending school. Even if they have time, the high number of illnesses stops many from going to school.

This lack of education continues the cycle of poverty found in developing countries. Short-term solutions such as trucking in water or food are just that, short term. These quick fixes absolutely save lives, but they do not create self-sustainability. Instead, they create dependence without progress.

The root problem will always be dirty water. It is a life characterized by sickness, poverty, illiteracy, and early death. But when dirty water is replaced with clean water, everything changes.

High mortality rates drop because babies no longer suffer from parasites and diarrhea. Children are healthy enough to attend school and they have the time without long walks to a water source. Some may eventually attend a university where they will receive a higher education, bringing hope to their villages and communities

There is more food from gardens and irrigated land. Livestock is healthier and provides better meat. Families eat what they need and can sell what is left at the market.

Productivity increases, poverty decreases, and children’s lives are transformed.

WATER CHANGES HEALTH

"Don’t drink the water!"

The only times we hear those words are in travel warnings to countries in Latin America, Asia, and Africa. But, children living in those countries drink the water every day and they are dying from it.

A single sip of water is all it takes to be infected. A single drop of water can contain over one billion bacterial organisms. Diarrhea, malaria, typhoid, cholera, worms and parasites, and trachoma just to name a few.

All the pills in all the bottles in the world won’t help a child who drinks dirty water every day.

It is often said that the best way to treat an illness is to make sure you don’t get it in the first place. Although it almost seems too simple, the best medicine really is prevention.

Prevention can be as simple as a cup of clean water.

WATER CHANGES HUNGER


You see a starving child. You think: Food.

Yes, they need food, but what they need first is clean water. Life-giving nutrients from food cannot be absorbed because of the different diseases and parasites brought about by the contaminated water they are drinking.

In Guatemala, 44 percent of children suffer from chronic malnutrition. But it is the lack of clean water that is the main factor for this high number. It is estimated that every year 860,000 child deaths from malnutrition worldwide could be prevented by providing clean water.

Over 840 million people worldwide suffer from malnutrition. At least 799 million of those live in developing countries and 153 million are young children.

Our first thought will probably always be that we need to provide them with more food. Ending hunger will bring transformation, but providing food is not enough.

We must start with clean water. We can work on alleviating hunger through providing water.

WATER CHANGES EDUCATION

Each year in Africa, 40 billion hours are spent just on fetching water.

In sub-Saharan Africa and many other areas around the world, children must walk an average of four miles each way, every day, just to provide water for their families. This takes hours.

The consequences are tragic. Children have no time for school.

Even if they had time, the water they drink keeps them too sick to attend school.

Globally, children lose 443 million school days each year because of waterborne illnesses. And every year, 400 million children become infected with worms, which severely limits their learning potential.

But when children have access to clean water, school enrollment increases and education improves, further reducing poverty.
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The need is there and I have joined with Dick and Kay to try to raise money to dig this well for the people in Guatemala who need clean water so desperately. In doing so, I will be able to help provide a lasting memorial to my son not only through the well that bears his name, but also through each child that is given the chance of life by simply providing them with clean water.

Dick and Kay hope to travel back to Guatemala when the well is dedicated. I am hoping that Alissa will be able to make that trip as well. I am even praying, that by some miracle I would be able to find someone to take care of our animals so that Mike and I could also make that trip.

If you would like to help by donating to Joshua's Well, you can do so by sending a tax deductible donation to:

World Help
PO Box 510
Forest, VA 24502

Be sure to mark your gift as a memorial for Joshua Hall and to go towards the drilling of Joshua's Well.

If you would like to donate and prefer to do so online, you can go to causelife.org and send in your donation in this manner. Once again, be sure to mark it for the Joshua Hall memorial fund for Joshua's Well.

For those who are unable or don't feel a desire to donate, we would still appreciate your passing this information on to others who might be interested. Even if you can't send a gift, you can pray, and that would mean the world to us.

I think it is very fitting that we should do something for others in memory of my son who was always giving unselfishly of himself to help those he felt were in need.

Peace,

Tammy

It's not just about me..........

When I started this blog, I kept it private. I did not share it with anyone. However, I knew from the first typed sentence that there would come a time when I would share it. From the very beginning I knew that the words here had to come straight from my heart and must be shared. I knew instinctively that this would be my survival. I knew that somehow by speaking my heart and sharing it with the few who chose to listen, I would painfully find my way.

Those who read this blog and never comment, I thank you for taking the time to read it. Those who have commented, even just once, thank you for your words. To those who have written me privately to offer prayers on my behalf, to offer words of comfort, or to share with me your pain, I thank you.

You see, this blog is not just about me. Although I write as if no one will ever read this, I know that others are reading it. Some will come simply out of curiosity, still others because they want to reach out to me, but others will come because they too are experiencing the pain of grief.

Can we compare grief?

Is my grief great than yours or your grief greater than mine?

Can we compare the loss of a spouse to the loss of a parent?

Or the loss of a friend to the loss of a child?

Can we compare our hurts that come from divorce or the loss of a relationship with a relative?

What about those who have lost their jobs or their homes? Can we tell them that they don't have the right to grieve because our grief is great than theirs?

My point is that grief is grief. Pain is pain. Loss is loss. It would be unfair of me to say to anyone that they pain they are feeling can't compare to my pain. It would be unfair of me to judge someone and tell them that they should do better, be better, or get over it because what they are suffering does not compare to what I am suffering.

My point is that I write these words in this blog for myself, but in doing so, I am writing for all those who grieve, in hopes that we can all realize that we are not alone and to give us all a voice.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you are suffering...........you are not alone. There is no way to compare grief, but we can share in our grief and somehow, we will make it through.

Heavy, heavy heart tonight

My heart is so heavy. It's been a difficult day. I have been on the edge of tears all day and clinging to the joy that I can find in the simple things, as much as possible.

I dreamed last night that Josh was with me. He was looking for food and seemed concerned about being hungry. I assured him that he had nothing to fear, as he would never be hungry again. He then looked at me and said, "I am not worried about me. I am worried about the children in the world who have no food."

I woke feeling as though I had been with him..........joyful...............and sad at the same time. While just a dream that was probably spurred by my thoughts of him earlier in the evening, I could not shake that feeling of urgency that I must do something to help.

I was thinking of Josh earlier in the day and how he was always so giving. The Christmas before he passed away, he put so much of his money in the jar at school for a needy family, that finally his shop teacher told him he was not allowed to give anymore.

I will be giving, as I always do, to a charity that provides not only food but a home for orphans. I will do so in the spirit of my son who gave so much of himself just because that's the way he was.

How I miss him!

Thanks

I realized after writing the previous post about the anger that I was feeling, that my anger and depression were robbing me of the thankful heart that I usually have. Having experienced the depths of the depression while trying desperately to cling to my hope in a loving Heavenly Father, I can tell you that one can not force the black cloud of depression and grief to fade away. However,as I expressed my hurt and anger, giving me an outlet for that pain I began to see glimpses of hope once again. I am by nature not an angry person. In fact, my nature is to propogate peace and love. Expressing my frustration, my anger, my grief in fact opened the door for me to once again be able to see the Light as strange as that may sound. Still in the depths of my darkness with Thanksgiving approaching, my heart longed for the peace that I always find in expressing my thanks from a greatful heart. However, the greatfulness and thankfullness were just not there. Or, perhaps they were there but just so deeply buried by my pain. I prayed in desperation, asking God to help me be thankful for the little things and to be able to focus once again on all the good things in my life. At some point over the Thanksgiving weekend, the tears began to fall cleansing my heart and opening the door for thankfulness. Once again thankfulness filled my heart, my soul, my being...............and the anger subsided.

Will it return. Yes, I am sure it will. Will I be able to see past the hurt? Maybe not for a while. Will this cycle continue? Perhaps.

What I do know is that God has not forsaken me. What I do know is my heart is full of thankfulness. What this has taught me is that "Yeah though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil for God is with me!"

I hate the dark valley. I can't see God's face when I am there. It's scary and it hurts really bad. I don't want to be there. But, I must make this journey.

I am thankful for His grace and thankful that He gives me glimpses of light as I struggle through this valley.

I am thankful.