Saturday, October 30, 2010

Blood~The Gift of Life

Yesterday was an emotionally draining day for me as I experienced being a blood donor for the very first time. The blood drive was in memory of our niece, Angela Faith, who passed away one year ago in October. I knew that I would be emotional, remembering this special young lady whose very own organs gave life to three people upon her death, but also remembering my son. Joshua loved helping people and was thrilled when he was old enough to begin giving blood. He was also a tissue donor upon his death and was an advocate of organ donation as well. (Due to complications with the harvest team, they were not able to harvest Josh's organs for donation upon his death.)

I will be honest, I was terrified to give blood not only because of the physical aspects of the procedure, but also because I knew how emotional I would get. There were times this week when I felt as though I just would not be able to go through with it. However, Saturday morning before going to the church where the donation would be taken, I felt strength flow through me as I thought of these two remarkable children who in life and in death gave of themselves so that others might live.

Before the blood even began to flow from my veins, as the nurse was prepping my arm to insert the needle, I began to cry. My wonderful family was there with me through the process. My mother-in-law never left my side, stroking my arm and standing over me. Her presence brought me strength. Angela's mother, my sister-in-law Cathy, also never left my side. We looked at each other and shared a moment through our eye contact that only two mother's who have lost their children can share. As the tears fell, the blood flow stopped. They tipped me back in my seat, threw an ice pack on my chest, and the supervisor came over and began prodding at my arm to get the blood moving again. "We've got to get you to relax", she said gently. I breathed deeply and the blood began to flow again after a few moments. Cathy whispered in my ear and said, "Your blood flowed two times............once for Angela and once for Josh." I shook my head as the tears continued to flow down my face keeping pace with the blood flowing from my arm.

The supervisor then leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Someone was sitting here with you from Above helping to get your blood flowing again." I shook my head yes. I knew it was true.

As I left the church after donating blood, I prayed that if possible, God would use this blood that I had given to save the life of a young person and give some parent a chance to hold their child just a little bit longer.

I know Angela and Josh are smiling.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Blessings on a Hard Day

Yesterday was so hard. There was no "reason" for the way I was feeling. I just could not shake the despair........the sadness.........the overwhelming sense of loss. There were moments when I felt I just could not go on. But,like He has done so many times, the Father touched me through the love of His children. An email from one and a phone call from the other. One who just "met" Josh through my grief blog and the other who knew Josh in person. Each of them blessed me with their words and with their kindness.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

25 months

I hate being without you, Josh. For the first time, since your death, I have not mentioned to anyone that today's day marks another anniversary. 25 months. I'm trying to do better, but it still hurts so much. I wonder if anyone else remembers or thinks about the 16th as it approaches each month?

With the one year anniversary of Angela's passing, I couldn't help but think about the two of you up in heaven together. I bet you are picking on each other like you always did. Give each other a hug for me.

I love you, Josh.

Mom

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Remember Angela

One year ago today, our niece Angela, went to heaven after a terrible car accident. Our hearts ache for our own loss. My heart aches for her mother.

Remember Angela

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Happiest Days

The happiest days are somehow the saddest. Proof that joy and sorrow do abide in the same heart.

My grandparents will be here with me soon. The joy in my heart is real. My Josh is not here with us. The sorrow in my heart is deep.