Tonight marks 22 months since that terrible night when the shot rang out that ended up taking your life. Everything in me hates that night. Everything in me hates these anniversaries of that night. I still sometimes scream out in my head saying that I know it can't be true. But it is true.
I am doing much, much better. The pain is the same. How can you lose a child and the pain ever be any better? I am learning how to handle the pain better. I have no choice.
I am stubbornly striving to dance in the rain. I read this quote yesterday and I thought of you:
Life isn't about sitting there waiting for the storm to pass... its about getting out there and dancing in the rain...even if it means getting wet.
So, I'm getting wet, Josh. Just like you use to do when the storms would come up and you would run outside laughing in spite of the lightening, thunder, winds and driving rain. Funny how I never tried to stop you. My heart wouldn't let me. To see you dancing in the rain made me smile. Now I am left to dance in the rain. I'm afraid I don't do it as well as you did, but I am learning. You are a good teacher.
I remember on this night 22 months ago how I dreamed but it was more than a dream. I truly believe God let your spirit touch mine as you passed from this world on to the next. So tonight, I will remember that final touch and celebrate that moment when you hesitated before going into the Father's arms to reach out and touch your momma one last time.
I miss you so much.
Mom
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2 comments:
Oh, Tammy... will keep praying for you in your trial by grief.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey, and your honesty and vulnerability in sharing ... what pain your heart has known.
God bless and hugs
Becky
http://conversationswithmydad.blogspot.com/
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