Past Tense

Alissa came by tonight. She laughed and told funny stories about Josh. When she spoke of him, she spoke of him in the past tense. Always before she has talked about him as if he were still living. I closed my eyes and tried not to cry. Part of me wanted to cry tears of relief that Alissa is beginning to acknowledge Josh's death. The other part of me just wanted to cry because I miss him so much. I didn't cry. I held it in. I laughed with her over the silly antics that the two of them participated in together. Now, Alissa has gone home and I am left here with my broken heart. Now, I will cry.